David McNett

OK.. so we all know Ellen and her sad tale of woe, right? We all think it's funny that she got nice and baked for her Apple commercial.

But lets be honest here. We can all agree that the ad is funny on a second level, right? The one where we recognize the echoes of deceit in her story from all the lame-ass excuses we gave in school. There was no first paper, Ellen. We know. You didn't have to re-write it a second time but faster. You got baked, ate a carton of malomars, and drank a half-bottle of Boone's Farm with your friends. Then you had to rush and write the paper the night before it was due. We're on to you...